So, who's up for cards at my house tonight?
Can't. Me and Fives are taking our ladies to see some Mexican wrestling.
Mucho romantico.
Audrey and I are going to a jazz concert.
I got plans with Eileen.
Friend plans.
She wants to show me her new rock polisher.
You know who else likes to polish people's rocks?
Mordecai?
Aw, I would, but C.J. and I are going to a laser light show tonight.
But you can totally come with us.
Ah, no. That's okay.
I got some other guys coming over.
In fact, I better get going.
Uh, have fun, everyone.
All right. See ya.
Baby, I don't know where I'd be today if I hadn't met you.
Probably home alone
watching a romantic comedy in the dark.
How was the laser show?
Did you put your arm around C.J.?
Did you put your arm around Eileen's rock polisher?
Stop talking!
Wait. Skips?
You okay, man?
Yeah.
No! I've been skipping a solo for too long now.
I need to start dating again.
Skips, geting back in the saddle!
I guess. It's been so long.
I don't even know where to start.
Ah, it can't be that bad. How long's it been?
Two hundred years.
Well, better now than never. You just got to get out there.
What you need are some wingmen.
Wingmen?
You know-- your co-pilots, your bros,
the ones who got your back while you're looking for ladies.
It's me. I need some wingmen.
I've been waiting two hundred years to hear you say that.
So, uh, what happens now?
Do we just sit here and wait till they come talk to us?
Waiting doesn't get you the ladies, Skips.
Watch and learn.
Excuse me, ladies. Perhaps you could settle a bet.
Which one of us do you think is older?
I don't know.
Neither. We're both immortal.
Plus we're magic.
Ooh. Check it out.
Fly honeys giving us eye contact.
Excuse me. Are you a parking ticket?
'Cause you got " Fine" written all over you.
We are fine.
Hey, that's a nice outfit you have on there.
Uh, yeah. Uh, I like it a lot.
What do you like about it?
Oh, uh, it looks comfortable,
well, like , uh... like my friend's diaper.
My dress looks like a diaper?!
He just said I'm wearing a diaper!
We'll try again next week, Skips.
Who wants to see a supernova?
And by the way, it's not a diaper,
They're adult diapers!
There's a difference!
Hey, Skips.
Meet any fine females tonight?
I'm just not cut out for the whole club scene.
Dude, nobody meets anybody at clubs anymore.
Yeah, there are an option for people like you who make terrible first impressions.
The Internet!
Well, we got to fill in your profile.
- Profession? - Park groundskeeper.
Ah, ah, ah. Environmental technologist.
- Hobbies? - I'm good at fixing stuff.
Mechanical whiz who can fix anything--
Busted engines, broken hearts, whatever you got.
You've traveled all over the world. Girls like a guy who's cultured.
Fought monsters with a ninja sword, arm-wrestled death,
And, also, you love kittens, to show your softer side.
And... down.
Now what do we do?
Sit back and let the ladies come to you.
How long's it gonna take?
I don't know. It could be a while.
Whoa! Look at that! You've already got 85,000 views!
Dude, you're on the front page of the website!
Based on your top-rated profile,
You've been selected to be a contestant on the hit dating show " It's a date! "
What?!
Aw, man, you'll meet someone now for sure!
Up high!
I can't go on the dating show.
I'm not that kind of guy.
Would you rather be the kind of guy
who spends the next 200 years shuffling his cards?
Looking good, Skips!
I don't know. These pants are a little tight.
You want to look cool, right?
Yes.
It's getting late.
We got to get you prepped for the questions on the show tonight.
What questions?
Dude, the ladies ask you questions,
and you impress them with your slick responses.
Here. Let's run through a practice round.
If you were trapped on a desert island with just one thing,
what would it be?
Boom! Go.
That's easy. Fresh water.
Wrong! You got to say something cool, like...
"All I need is your deep blue eyes to look into."
Cheese it up! Make 'em laugh. It's not hard.
How do you know?
'Cause I've seen every episode of "It's A Date!"
What?! I've had a lot of sapre time since Mrodecai started dating C.J.
If you're so good at this, why don't you do it?
I would if I could.
So, you admit that you can't.
No! It's just that I don't have the right look or whatever,
which has nothing to do with me being cool with my words.
Well, I'm not a word guy, okay?!
I got an idea.
Welcome to "It's A Date!"
Let's give it up for your host, Bob Karpett!
Thank you. Thank you.
Let's give a big, warm welcome to our bachelorette, Sheena Albright!
Sheena is a molecular biologist
who loves tennis, Italian cuisine, and sloths.
Now it's time to meet our three eligible bachelors!
Bachelor Number 1 is a hip-hop enthusiast.
Please welcome Jimmy Jamzz!
Yo, yo, yo! What's peepin', Sheena?
Yo!
Bachelor Number 2 runs his own T-shirt business.
Say hello to the T-shirt man.
Buy my T-shirts!
And Bachelor Number 3 is a ventriloquist.
Say hello to Skips and his dummy, Lil' Rigs!
Hey! What's shakin', dollface?
Hold on tight, strap yourself in,
'Cause a date with me will make your head spin!
All right, Sheena.
It's time for your first question for our bachelors.
"If we went out on a date, where would you take me?"
Bachelor Number 1.
Girl, I'd take you to the hoppingest dance club in town,
'cause Jimmy Jamzz is all about bustin' killer moves, girl!
Oh, yeah, dawg!
Okay.
Bachelor Number 2?
I would take you to a fine-dining establishment
and then show you my lastest line of T-shirts!
Bachelor Number 3?
Uh... go out for a nice meal?
And go to the planetarium,
'cause you surely belong with the other heavenly bodies.
Next question...
"What is your biggest dream in life?"
Bachelor Number 1.
Girl, I'm already living my dream!
I've been regional hip-hop dance champion nice times in a row, player!
Shout-out to my four-legged crew!
Bachelor Number 2?
My dream is to sell my T-shirt in all stores nationwide--
That and move out of my mama's basement.
Bachelor Number 3?
Uh, well, uh, save up for retirement.
Geez, Gramps! You're not read yet!
But judging by your stage presence, you might as well be!
But, seriously, Sheena,
my only dream is to make each day with you better than the last.
Why, thank you, Bachelor Number 3.
Oh, come on! That's the worst pickup line I ever heard!
The only thing you should pick up is a pair of scissors
and cut off that lame mullet!
- Rigby! - Hey, the audience loves me.
Wish I could say the same for these two dummies.
You calling me a dummy, dummy?
No, but you know who is calling you is your mom.
She wants your rent check, fool.
I've had enough of your lip, son!
Playtime's over!
Yo! I just "cen-tore" it up!
Eat T-shirt!
Let's teach this punk some manners.
That's enough!
Look out!
You okay?
Look, everyone, I'm not a ventriloquist.
And this isn't a dummy.
The truth is I'm just a simple guy who works at a park,
a quiet guy who wants to meet a nice girl--
someone I can spend time with and talk to and...
doesn't mind that I like to go commando.
Anyway, I'm sorry I wasted everybody's time.
Wait!
I choose Bachelor Number 3!
It's a date!
Sheena and Skips, you two win an all-expenses-paid trip to Costa Rica!
Keep the change.
Skips! Skips! Skips!
How was Costa Rica with your Chica?!
Well, uh...
She was too high-maintenance,
but I'm back in the saddle.
Thanks, guys.
Nice. Nice.